Carla

I've thought a lot about what I wanted to say about this. It's not my story to tell, so I don't want to go into TOO much detail. But this was something that drastically changed my life this year, so I want to put it into words, so I can't forget it. Here it goes:

Carla Szeles was an amazing woman. She was a loving mother, devoted wife, and compassionate friend. She worked hard at everything she did, and she did it all with grace. She taught me a lot about how to face your trials and adversity with strength. To never give up. She was a history teacher and cross country coach. She ran 6 marathons and 6 half marathons. She donated her hair to "Locks of Love". She loved Disneyland- to her, it really truly was the happiest place on earth. However, Carla's life wasn't perfect. Carla had two children- Everett and Elsa. While pregnant with Elsa, Carla was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. Refusing to abort her baby, Carla was unable to receive radiation while pregnant. Instead, She underwent surgery while 5 months pregnant to have the cancer removed. The surgery was deemed a success and she was cancer free. It was only a few short months after Elsa was born that the cancer had returned for a second time. Carla battled this disease for nearly two years, undergoing countless chemotherapy treatments, radiation treatments and hospital stays. She did this all with a smile on her face and a “I’ll do whatever it takes attitude”. She fought the fight, and on March 28th, Carla passed her test, crossed the ultimate finish line and passed away at The City of Hope, in Duarte CA. 

Carla taught me so much. I loved to just sit and talk with her. She had amazing strength and courage. She listened to my problems, despite her own. Carla loved so deeply. It broke my heart to see such a good person go through so much. I know that it was hard for her, but she tried very hard to not show it. I remember taking dinner to her family one night and as I walked in, she had tears streaming down her face. Opening the door, she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. She was lying down in a chair covered in a blanket, hoping desperately that I hadn't seen her pain. She quickly put on her warming smile and said "Rachel, you are the greatest. Thank you so much for dinner. You can put it in the kitchen." It was so hard for me to pretend that it didn't bother me to see her struggling. I set it down and was about to leave her to herself when she said "Rachel, I love your jacket. Spin around for me. I just was to see how cute it looks on you." Not wanting to disappoint, I spun for her. We laughed as I fell to the floor. Her face lit up as she smiled and I knew how she made it so far. She found things every minute of every day to be happy about. Something to make her smile or laugh. So that when things got tough- which they always do- she would be able to trudge along once more. 

Every night I prayed that she would get better. That her family would be able to overcome the trial of her life. That her two babies would have that sweet mother to raise them. I told myself every day that things would get better. I remember talking to a friend about it saying "I honestly don't know what I will do if she doesn't make it. I just love her so much. And I have been rooting for her this whole time. I just can't imagine a world without Carla."

One thing that she told my church adviser, "Tell the young women to LOVE their bodies. Tell them to dance and run and play. Tell them that no matter what they look like, they ARE beautiful. Tell them to use their bodies, to enjoy them. Love their fingernails, love their eyelashes, use and love their own working arms and legs. Don’t waste time watching TV indoors, but go outside and jump, run, dance and enjoy their beautiful bodies." You never know what you have until it's no longer there. 

I still remember the day she died. She passed away in the middle of the night on March 28th. She had been in the hospital for the past few weeks, and the last few days, she was on life support as her lungs were filled with blood. I went to bed knowing that she probably wouldn't make it through the night. The next morning, I woke up and the first thing I did was check facebook. Not for petty notifications of to see what had happened with my friends overnight. No, to see if my sweet friend was finally at peace. When I got the the page with updates on her health, my heart broke. I read it over and over again "Carla passed away very peacefully at 11:23PM, March 28th." I cried. I cried in the shower. I cried in my car on the way to seminary. I cried as a girl in class, who didn't know of Carla's passing yet, prayed that Carla would get better. And when I was out of tears, I was quiet. I literally felt as if a part of me had died. Like the last good person was gone. Not true, obviously. But she did make a difference in my life, and the world WAS better because of her. I grieved, and I got over it. And the whole time I thought of what Carla would do if it were her situation. And I realized- she would be happy. She would be smiling and laughing. Because in the face of hardship, that's what Carla did. 

She is missed. She is loved. But I am happy. Her family is happy. And she is at peace in Heaven.